My Monster Has A Name

Trigger Scale: (0/5)

How Did I Get Out of My Head?

• How Did This Start?
• Therapist Suggestions
• How Does My Body Feel?
• Eating Meditation
• Sunlight, Cats and Grass

How Did This Start?

In my last post, “Out of My Head” I told everyone that I was going to take a week off to get out of my head. The reason I decided to try this was because a comment my therapist made was really bothering me. I could not set my mind at ease not matter how hard I tried, because I do not know what else to do with my life. I decided to e-mail my therapist, not expecting a response (she was going out of town). This is what I wrote to her:

“I hope things are starting out well for you this week. I have a question for you. I know it was not your intention, and I am glad you said it, but the comments about how much time I spend doing ‘healing’ work and ‘in my head’ have really been bothering me the last couple of days.

Of course it is because I agree, but I do not know what else I should be doing. I am not ready to leave the safety I have created and not sure how to get out of my head in the time being? (until I am ready to leave the safety I have created).

I am wondering because I would like to try to live out of my head…but it seems all my hobbies are about learning. For example guitar, painting, digital art, photography, knitting, etc. So my question is, do these types of hobbies count as at least a start for living out of my head? I have had some interest in getting into things again…

Of course your answer will not lead me into or out of these hobbies, just wondering if it relates.”

She was kind enough to respond with the suggestions I summarized below. She also assured me that there was no NEED to change anything at the present moment, or any need to leave the safety that I have only recently created. She also said that if I was uncomfortable with any of the suggestions, to wait until we next met.

I suggest the same for any of you reading. Be kind to yourself if you do decide to take these suggestions, and make sure they are right for you first. Also remember not to judge yourself as you do them, like my therapist also pointed out.

Side note: She also poiout in a follow up email that my hobbies are good for ‘getting out of my head’ as well, but not when I am still in the learning stage (true for all I listed). They will be relaxing for me once they have become more automatic., however I am this way with crocheting which I just have a lot of practice with, but not with any of the hobbies I mentioned in the e-mail above.

Therapist Suggestions

My therapist e-mailed me the following suggestions to help me get out of my head.

1. Sensory Experience

Select a sensory experience that doesn’t trigger you and just spend some time noticing it, such as:

• Run your fingers over a piece of sand paper, -OR-
• Drop a little lemon juice on your tongue

When your mind wonders she instructed to bring it back with questions about how you are presently feeling. I turned this into the morning ritual with my cats described later.

2. How Do You Feel

Set an alarm for random times during the day and take a few second to notice how you feel emotionally at that time, using the “How Do You Feel Today?” handout that she had given me (click link for a post on this). For some reason I have a real mental block about this simple exercise, so I did not do it. I have never done it yet. It has something to do with an injured, little girl part of me.

Now you might be wondering exactly how I did over the last week and how successful I was at it. Well, here is a summary of how it went and examples of how I got ‘out of my head’ just a little. Feel free to steal these ideas, and please, modify them to fit your needs, interests, and personality.

How Does My Body Feel?

I took moments to check in with how my body felt multiple times throughout the week. I did this by stopping for a minute and asking myself, “How does my body feel right now?” and noticing any pain, any sensations, or any pressure anywhere in my muscles and body. I describe this technique more thoroughly under ‘Body Awareness” in the post “Breathing Exercises, Meditation and Visualization for PTSD“.

I especially did this while I was walking, which I actually ended up finding somewhat disturbing. I discovered that 4 out of 5 days I walked my whole body was very numb and I also had many other sensations that I described in my post, “Diagnosing DID/PTSD and Body Sensations*” all week long. But the one I am talking about here is bullet point #4, “I feel like I am in a very thick skin, and cannot feel anything properly, like my nerves have retreated and made everything dull.” I guess I still spent a lot of the week partially disconnected.

Eating Meditation

I also took time to notice and really enjoy my food for the first few minutes of at least one meal a day, when I remembered. I described this exercise in the post “Breathing Exercises, Meditation and Visualization for PTSD” under ‘Meditations’, ‘My favorite meditations’.

This one always works out well for me, but is hard to remember to do. I find that I really enjoy the food that I cook, as I take time to prepare my food how I like. It usually turns out well and is very flavorful.

I also have been eating my mixed fruit salad again since it is the spring/summer season. Fruit salad lends really well to this exercise because there is a lot to notice. I choose my fruits in a salad for a variety of colors to get a wide range of different vitamins. For example, pineapple, apples, red grapes, blueberries, strawberries and cantaloupe this week. There is a variety of textures, colors, flavors and smells to notice and enjoy. This makes this exercise a lot more fun and interesting.

Sunlight, Cats and Grass

I spent a few minutes each morning outside with my cats when I let them out. I have been trying to do this daily the last few months anyway, just to get 5-15 minutes of non-SPF protected sunlight, to boost vitamin D and serotonin levels.

However, this week I took at least a minute to just feel the sunlight on my skin, to notice the way my cats fur felt as I pet them, and how their fur warms up or cools down depending on the temperature and weather outside. I also took a moment to notice how my bare feet felt on the concrete as I walked outside my home, and how it felt on the grass once I sit down to watch my cats.

The last thing I did was to put off reading my new books for a week, to give my brain a little rest from abuse learning (PTSD Sourcebook and Safe Passage to Healing). I also did not write for the blog until yesterday, Sunday (06/15).

Please feel free to let me know how you feel about these suggestions and please offer your own! It would be really great to know what you do to get out of your head.

can’t get you out of my head by ~HOMELYVILLAIN on deviantART

1. Safety First Checklist Part 2*
2. Breathing Exercises, Meditation and Visualization for PTSD
3. Daily Maintenance Plan (for Crisis Prevention)
4. Therapy Script for Communication*
5. Session Splash – June 6, 2009**

Trigger Warning: (1/5)

Therapist’s Notes & Specific Risk Reduction Techniques

This is Part 2, a further exploration of the personal safety checklist from the “Survivor to Thriver” manual.

I have not discussed my answers to the “Safety Checklist” (Part 1) in person with my therapist yet, as I was in crisis when we had it scheduled, and ended up shifting our session priorities. But she did make notes for me that I will share with you here.

Her notes inspired me to be more specific on each of my “YES” answers to the question, “How can I reduce these risks?” and I came up with the following lists.

1. Do you have impulses to harm yourself?

(No therapist’s notes)

Risk reduction techniques:

• This question inspired my “Help NOW!” page which is a compilation of my favorite and most personally effective techniques. Here is a more complete list, starting with the most effective, for me, to the least:

3. Do you easily feel overwhelmed by feelings, thoughts, memories or bodily sensations?

My therapist notes:

• What specific breathing exercises are helpful?
• Journal or art session about what subjects are helpful to talk about?
• Who is helpful to talk to? Do specific people increase your agitation?

Risk reduction techniques:

• 1-5 from previous list. This is a reoccurring theme. I think these techniques are almost universally helpful to establish a solid foundation, except maybe talking and therapy. Some people are not ready for these steps, or may never be comfortable with these steps. I am not a therapist, that is just my personal opinion. Of course 6-12 can also help.
  • My therapist asked what specific breathing exercises, meditations or visualizations are helpful, which inspired my post “Breathing Exercises, Meditation and Visualization for PTSD” which is a list of my favorite eastern inspired practices
• Journaling – no specific topics are helpful for me (that I know of yet), unless I have a newly recovered memory. Then I find it helpful to write it out as fully as I can, and then quickly set it aside for awhile before I start to examine it. Upon re-reading these types of writings, I am usually able to remember even more detail. Specific ideas:
  • Free-writing
  • I have a good list of Journal Questions – DOC, that I keep printed on an index card. I use it as the bookmark of my journal
  • Good book on journaling, “The Wise Earth Speaks to Your Spirit”, by Janell Moon takes an earth based approach to journaling
• Artwork ideas:
  • Collage is one of my favorite art techniques for solving any problem
  • Circle pad from my therapist– she gave me an art-pad of paper with a circle on each page and told me to use it when i felt that something needed to be contained. To do this use one of the following ideas to express what you would like to ‘contain’:
    • Draw symbols or pictures of the issue
    • Use collage, cutting out pictures or symbols of the issue
    • Use words, filling the circle with free-writing about the issue
  • Scrapbooking timeline of your life. I don’t remember where this idea came from, but it is to make a timeline of the significant events in your life, using scrabbooking techniques
• Talking to others about what is going on at the time, but only choose people who will take you seriously and show compassion.
  • My therapist’s note asked if certain people actually increase my agitation. I think this is because I often try to talk to my roommate/best friend, because to be honest, he is the only person I have to talk to besides my therapist. However, he often says the wrong things. His heart is in the right place, and I can tell he really wants to help, it is just the words he uses are dead wrong for me at the time. I think this sometimes did used to make the situation worse. However, it now lets me see his perspective and compare it to my own, which is more positive, which has actually made me feel better the last few times.

5. Have you ever attempted suicide?

(No therapist’s notes)

The risk reduction techniques that I would use for this question are the same as for question number 1, “Do you have impulses to harm yourself?” and of course the “Help NOW!” page.

6. Have you ever “lost time” or lost sense of being yourself?

(No therapist’s notes)

I believe that this is in my past, but that my continued therapy and self-help efforts will help to reduce any future risk.

7. Do you use alcohol or drugs to excess?

My therapist notes:

• How much alcohol now?

Risk reduction techniques:

• I enjoy mojitos, and have about an 1/8th of bottle of rum left from when my brother visited me (otherwise I probably would never have purchased it). I am just not a drinker. However a few times I have thought about downing it when having a particularly bad flashback or panic attack. But even with this urge it has sat in my freezer for a few months now, untouched. So how much alcohol do I drink now – none
• Any of the techniques from the question “Do you have impulses to harm yourself?”. I guess these are basic techniques that I use to calm myself
• I have a lot of other resources and techniques that I will write about in future posts. A good book I recommend is “The Recovery Book” by Mooney, Eisenberg & Eisenberg. For now here is a short list:
  • See the Substance Abuse Links and Substance Abuse Downloads sections on the resource page
  • Certain items, such as drug paraphernalia, will remind you of when you used to engage of your drug of choice. Pack these items away, give them away, just get rid of them. Out of sight, out of mind, being the idea
  • It takes constant vigilance to neutralize the cues (things you see, hear, smell, taste, and feel) that trigger the craving to use
  • Changing “playmates, playgrounds, and playthings” is virtually indispensable to avoid using
  • You will be most susceptible to temptations of any kind when you are hungry, angry, lonely, or tired (HALT in AA) bored, sad, worried, nervous, or depressed; or physically unwell
  • So that the bad memories will remain forever an incentive to remain sober, capture them in words, pictures, or both
  • Be sure you are not alone and have support
  • Talk with others who are further along in the process than you are, or who have gone through it before you
  • Stop resisting and relax. Temporarily try to give up control
  • Make certain that you are in a calm and comfortable environment

Releated Resources:

• Survivor To Thriver Manual – PDF
• The Recovery Book
• The Wise Earth Speaks to Your Spirit

1. Safety First Checklist Part 1*
2. Suicide/Harmful Behavior Checklist Part 1**
3. Breathing Exercises, Meditation and Visualization for PTSD
4. Safety Awareness Exercise Part 1
5. How I Got Out of My Head