My Monster Has A Name

Trigger Scale: (1/5)

It has been over a month since I have written! I have gone through many big changes, and am adjusting to them accordingly. Mainly I believe I have accepted that many bad things happened to me when I was younger (more often from a first person perspective now, instead of “out-of-body” or watching it happen to someone else), and I am starting to confront the bigger feelings involved with that realization and acceptance.

I have not kept notes or recordings (therapist keeps forgetting!) of my sessions, so there will be a gap in the session splashes. One of the biggest areas that I have worked on in therapy is anger. I have “issues” when it comes to anger and will stop short of expressing it almost every time without fail. I have been working with my therapist with ways to express my anger while still feeling safe at the same time. She has suggested that we try being angry with pillows in an empty room, and I agreed. However, I have great reservations.

I have also been exploring the reasons I have such a strong aversion to food and have had no natural appetite for the last half decade. My therapist has suggested that I try eating with her in session, and we are going to start with sharing a cup of tea together. This whole things makes me extremely nervous, but I know I need to open myself up to my emotions and try new things in that pursuit.

There is one good thing that has come of all this though. While I have rediscovered that, yes, I DO have emotions, and some of them really DO suck! I have also rediscovered some of the good emotions, such as enjoyment of hobbies, and most important to me, of doing art. I have started to do art projects again, and have many different projects to share.

To do that, I have added a Gallery to the My Monster blog. In my excitement I put everything up, but I will be posting about the different galleries, albums, and some of the individual projects separately over the next few weeks, as well as posting more (especially in the “In Session” gallery). If you have artwork that you would like to share, please contact me.

Feels good to be back on the path!

Kaleidoscope Reverie by =alexiuss on deviantART

1. Session Splash – May 5, 2009*****
2. Session Splash – May 26, 2009 Part 2*
3. Session Splash – May 12, 2009*****
4. Session Splash – May 21, 2009**
5. New Gallery & Art Therapy Pages

Trigger Scale: (0/5)

One of my favorite online art communities is deviantART. It is a great place to see interesting and beautiful art from others and share your own while fostering a sense of community. It is a lot like a blog, where you can post comments and interact with other artists.

On my most recent visit to the site I came across a contest they ran called “Project Positivity”. The competition closed awhile ago, but I still thought it was a very interesting idea so I decided to make my own. The project asked artists to create an image with text that lists at least 10 things that they like about themselves. Here were the rules that relate to this story:

• You cannot ask someone else what they like about you, this is from your heart.
• You must not be negative, even sneakily. (‘I like my hair because it makes people laugh’ for example is a negative comment in disguise. Throwing this rule in here to make sure you all stay positive).

I thought that given my recent negative experiences, such as dealing with the “angry letter” former client and just starting to recover what I hope will be the most traumatic events of my life related to my severe childhood abuse, I thought a little positivity might be in order.

So here would have been my submission for this project. I hope you enjoy it and that it inspires you to do your own. Here is a low quality web version:

For a closer look and for the ability to actually read the text, download the Positivity PDF.

I used this tutorial to help create this design. Here are links to ones on deviantART that I liked and that inspired me:

• The Positive Side of Me by Chaos-Of-Fubuki
• Alive by molly-snicklefritz
• Positive Tree by talking-mustard-pot
• Positivity by lil-miss-disaster-95
• Positivity by hello-utopia

To see all artwork that was submitted on deviantART, click here or here for more.

Feel free to leave a comment just listing 10 things you like about yourself, or maybe you will even be inspired enough to write your own “10 Things I Like About Me” post. I hope you let me know if you do!

1. How Do You Feel Today?
2. Angry Fuck’in Therapeutic Letter to Former Client Part 2*
3. My Monster Is Alive*
4. Session Splash – May 5, 2009*****
5. My Early Warning Signs of Crisis*