My Monster Has A Name

… & The Blog

If this is your first time to this site, or you have not read it yet, please read my disclaimer first. I promise it is not as boring as it sounds! If I do not make you laugh, you can have your money back…wait, you didn’t pay! Get back here! Really though, it is important to me that you read this as I deal with a lot of disturbing and mature content.

Now that I’ve got you, I should let you know a little about me, why I am writing this blog and what you and I should expect from it.

About Me

So, Who Do I Think I Am Anyway?

Right now you might be asking yourself why you should listen to me on the subject of abuse, or any other for that matter. Well, I am not sure if you should, but let me tell you why I might if I were you.

I have experienced a lot of abuse, amounting to about 18 years worth. I wish I could say it was on and off, but that was only true for the last five years. So I would say I have some experience on the subject. Since this abusive period I have spent the last 10 years healing and learning how to heal.

Please keep in mind that I am not a doctor, but I have seen a lot of them and will share their advice with you here.

My Sorted Past – A Brief History

Here is a brief history, although longer than I thought it would be. This is the best way I know to quickly explain to people where and what I am from.

I was born in 1980 to a prostitute/stripper who also happens to be a substance abusing, sociopathic, schizophrenic nut who is currently dyeing of a sexually transmitted disease. Go figure… She does not know who my father is, so neither do I. When I was 4 years old I severely broke my leg horseback riding, shattering my femur which popped out of my skin. I believe I was in a coma for the first two weeks, in traction for over a month, and had to be in a body cast for a few months after that.

When my biological egg donor heard about how long the traction was going to take and the body cast, she decided she couldn’t handle me any longer. A call was made to her ex-husband who then became my new step-father. I remember the conversation to this day (she made it from my hospital room until the doctor told her to leave my room and have the conversation elsewhere). I think my step-father might have paid for me, but at least was able to stay with my brother, (half brother, but the only blood relative in my life today) who was also “given” in the trade.

When I was 8 he got remarried to a good women, who I refer to as my mother, even though she is my step-mother. They had two children together, my stepbrothers. So by the time I was a teenager, I had 3 brothers (one half-brother, two step) and was living with two step-parents, which can really be hard for people to understand. The best way I can explain it is to say I was adopted, although I never legally was.

In high school I was a musician and an overachiever, which carried over to junior college. In work I was also an overachiever, starting management positions at the age of 17. When I was 20 I continued to work hard, regularly working over 50 hours a week, going to school, and still taking time to party hard. I think I was running from something…

But one day my demons caught up with me, and I hurt my back on the job, slipping three disks in my lower spine. I went through two back surgeries to correct the issue and now am the proud owner of some dead guy’s bones, in a dual level fusion. I was given a variety of medications to deal with pain, muscle issues, and anxiety, with the biggies being opiates and Vicodin. That one drug single handedly started my dive, head first, into substance abuse. At one point I was taking over 20 a day and had a very hard time quitting. I actually experienced severe withdrawals, probably because I quit without supervision (I did not know any better at the time). Now I do not take any prescribed medications, but do smoke pot, the natural pain reliever, which I find is the best alternative for now.

I believe this injury happened because I needed to slow down and face my issues, hence where I am at today.

Want more of my stories?

Still not sure if I like you …

So you have read my history and you think you might like me, but you want more information? Or maybe you want to know about who I am today…

My interests include hippie, new age-y stuff such as environmentalism, Wicca, gardening, post-feminism, incense, and cats, even black ones. Actually, especially black ones…I am a bit dark and twisted, with an affection for the occult. I marvel at nature and anything I can do in it, like hiking and camping.

Music is a big part of my life, always has been, and always will be. I love to cook and would never refuse making you a good meal if I had the chance! I also enjoy hand crafts such as knitting, crocheting, beading and scrap-booking.

I almost got a degree in interior design, but decided my heart lays with technology, as I am passionate about computers and what they can do for me. I got intrigued by graphic design, digital art, fine art, and photography.

As a professional I am a bit bored, but that is part of my process for right now. I am interested in pursuing a career in the art fields, but have not been able to make that leap yet. Careers I have considered include: jewelry maker, photographer, graphic designer, website graphic designer and freelance painter. I also like the idea of teaching as I get older. But hey, what about being a palmist? That could be fun too.

About The Blog

Why I Blog

I have spent the last ten years trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I felt an invisible force in my life, but believe me, the monster manifested itself. I call these monsters many names, such as post traumatic stress disorder, bi-polar, anxiety disorder, body dysmorphia…you get my point. My life has been crap, with some beautiful exceptions, until more recently. Patterns are now finally starting to change for the better. It has taken me a long time and a lot of hard work to get where I am now, so I want to share that process with others. Don’t get me wrong, I still have a long way to go, but I am getting there.

I am starting this blog to share my stories, thoughts and ideas and to make my voice heard. As a survivor of child abuse, I was not often listened to or believed, and was usually ignored. I hope this blog will help correct that injustice…and hopefully help others be heard if they wish.

Interacting (to Help)

I hope that My Monster Has a Name will build community and help me and others to express ourselves. I want this to be a free haven for all things, where any thoughts, ideas and topics are allowed, and you and I can talk about anything.

I do not expect to help anyone but myself, but if I do touch or help even one person, that would be awesome! I will try to offer hope, wisdom, pure experience, and documentation of my personal process to recovery through my posts, session splash’s, and resources.

For now I am choosing to remain anonymous for my personal sense of security. Please respect my privacy when interacting with the site.

What I Blog

Some of the topics are going to be difficult, even for me to write, but that is all part of the process. Please do read my disclaimer.

I am writing My Monster Has a Name to document my healing process for those who are interested in seeing what it took for one person. However, that does not mean my process will garner the same results for you. We are all very different, with very different experiences and reactions, so results may vary!

Have a look at The Blog to see a list of different categories and tags to get a sense of what I write about.

Looking to the Future

I hope that this site will continue to grow, with the help of the following future additions:

• Weekly posts
• An art gallery – place to display art related to recovery
• The ability for readers to post articles, and images to the gallery
• A “My Story” section – stories about my life, how I grew up, and abuse memories
• And of course, an ever expanding resources section

Let me know if you have any suggestions!

End

This is the end of the about me section. Whew! I did not think I would get here, or that anyone would actually read all of this. Thank you for sticking with me! Please have a look around, a laugh, learn something new, be horrified, or get help now.

Thank you for visiting my site!

Some Additional Thoughts

Subscribing and Commenting on this Blog:

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Trigger Warning:

This blog is by an adult and intended for adults, due to the mature nature of it’s content. Please be advised.